Friday, August 11, 2006

Dad 8/11/88


Still miss you.

Eighteen years. So hard to believe this amount of time has passed. From young girl to wife, from one career to the next. There is not one day that passes which I don’t think of you. Most days, no tears, but I still have moments. So many things I have shared with you, even now there are days I feel your energy with me in presence. I will forever be connected to you: from Vespas to bowling to medicine to your quiet stance and impromptu punchlines.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

New GN's Debate

On my vacation, I am doing such things I have had no time for in the past few months, including staff meetings at "Hospital A" where I work.

This morning I also met with our department head, who cannot give me her verbal agreement in writing. She said she would "consider" me for an RN position in the ED when I graduate, even though she is vehemently opposed to new grads in the ED. She would prefer me to go to the floor, get 6 months of experience, then go to ICU, spend some time there, then come back to my department. But, since there is a Florida nursing shortage, our department's RN positions have never all been filled since I began there, and they are trying to get rid of travelers in general and staff the positions with hospital staff only, she is considering a change in her stance with an extended internship period for GN's.

I really do see her point. She also agrees there are some fine ED RN's who came directly out of school and dropped into their positions. But, if she had her way, not in her ED. My hospital "A" is the only hospital in the entire county I live which has this standard. I understand the mass theory on this. But, alas, my department head doesn't really know me, either. Of the thousands and thousands of lady bowlers out there in the world, only me and a few others have ever been #1 in the world. My brain's wiring is a bit different than most, and what I can sacrifice, work toward for goals, and dedicate myself are of a different level. She also said she had heard it was difficult for me to accept "teachable moments," and that given the job in the future I should make sure I understand that I am a new grad and I really do not know much yet. (She didn't say these words exactly, she was much kinder and candid...I am summarizing.) I explained to her that the main reason I took this tech job was to learn. I gave up teaching bowling at $75/hour, travelling, etc., so that I could spend some time in medicine and soak up everything. "Oh yeah, that bowling thing." Her eyes got wide. (I know what she's thinking, was I CRAZY?!)

So, this makes my scholarship decision easy. I will not be taking the full scholarship with Hospital "A". I will instead take the full scholarship through school, and then not have the strings of 2 year-committments. I do not want Hospital "A" or any other hospital for that matter having a direct say as to where I will spend the next 2 years.

I don't know where I want to end up at this point. But what I do know is I don't want anyone deciding for me at this point.

Discussions on this?